Kids, let's get one thing straight. I did not survive 4 years of a college education only to spend the better portion of my thirties convincing you to sleep.
You're tired? Close your eyes. Feeling cranky but don't know why? It's probably because you decided to rock and roll your butt around your bed for the entire hour and a half you were supposed to be napping.
And another thing (this one's for the newborns): crying? When you should be sleeping? Not gonna get you much. See, the thing is, poor, vulnerable newly birthed being: I CAN'T HELP YOU with this one. I can't sleep for you - though lordy lord knows I've tried. Hungry? Here's my boob! Cold? I'd knit you a sweater using my own two pointer fingers as kneedles. But sleep? Unless you want me to drug you (you don't, do you?), then this one's on you. Sorry, kid.
F. Scott Fitzgerald once said "The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to." But he was wrong on this one...the worst thing in the world is to want to sleep and to be succeeding at it until a being smaller in size than you but much larger in obnoxiousness sets off wailing because it doesn't want to miss the party she thinks you've somehow hidden in your closet.
It took Sofia 2 years to sleep through the night and now at least she's pretty reliable on that front. But the naps? Oy. Many people's response when I complain about this (some things have changed in my parenting style - complaining about Sofia's sleep habits is not one of them) is "Well, maybe she's ready to skip her nap." I would like to invite those people over to witness the beastly gnome of a 3-year-old terrorist my daughter is at about 6pm in the evening when nap time has been skipped.
And Samina? My zen sleeping baby has simultaneous teething-jet lag-post vacation problems and so there is not much consistent night sleeping going on right now, either. Though, in her defense, if she were my first child and I hadn't been through this before, these few days of rough night sleep wouldn't seem so bad. But I am like a soldier back from war where this topic is concerned...the mere sound of a waking child brings flashbacks so terrible that my blood boils and the hairs on the nape of my neck stand up in two seconds flat.
And so, Sleep, I would like to request this: please pass by our house. Make us one of those sets of parents who boasts about peacefully resting their children in their quiet rooms for the night/nap time and then watches foreign films or writes poetry or finds a solution for peace in the Middle East. Because if I have to live another 2-3 years basing my emotions on when my mini people sleep...oy. I need a nap just thinking about it.
