Things I Want Sofia to Know

Life is full of pitfalls. Do your best to land on your feet and then keep walking. 

You will not want anything to do with me during your teenage years. This is OK and totally normal, don't beat yourself up about it. Just make sure you continue brushing your teeth and don't do anything stupid while you're taking a break from me. 

Don't spend too much time in front of the tv (or, erm, the computer). Every once in a while, take a break and go for a long walk outside. 

Whatever your chosen career path may be, never ever ever let anyone take advantage of you. Right or wrong, the world sees you as what you sell yourself as. 

Don't be afraid to speak your mind, but don't aim to hurt anyone's feelings. Be diplomatic.

There are always two sides, if not more, to every story.

Never trust a partner who has cheated on another partner to be with you.

Avoid food shopping on Friday evenings, unless you love angry crowds. 

Go with what you think fits you best, even if the person you're going against is me. 

Complain if you have to, but don't let the complaining go on too long. If you are systematically waking up unhappy, change is required.

Never go home with someone you just met at a bar.

Practice using your instincts, and learn to trust them.

Don't be mad at me when you figure out I'm not perfect.

Someone will always love you.

Take notes. There won't be an exam at the end, but you'll find pleasure and comfort in looking your diaries over one day (and don't write in code because you'll never remember).

You don't have to get married. You just have to be happy and feel appreciated.

Relationships of any kind are hard work. If you truly care for someone, work on letting them know it. 

Try to always look people in the eye when they're talking to you. 

Say Please and Thank You and smile as much as possible, even if you don't feel like it. (Edited many years later to say: this is actually wrong. Don't feel like you have to smile just because...being genuine is more important, so only smile if smiling feels right!) 

Ask questions. Ask for help. Be humble. 

Don't underestimate the power of a joke.

Remember where you came from, never lose sight of where you're going- even if the target changes daily (that's ok too!).

If you ever have a child one day, make sure you're ready for the responsibility first. I don't want to have to be there every day to babysit! (kidding! sorta...)

You have been blessed with the knowledge of 2 languages, don't give either of them up, ever.

Read lots of books and learn to cook.

Be careful, but don't lose yourself in paranoia.

Sometimes you're going to feel like throwing in the towel. Don't. Whatever it is will pass - if not today, soon.

Sometimes you have to withstand something painful for the good of the long-term.

Make sure you're doing things for the right reasons, and learn to say no when you really just can't. 

Appreciate what you have been blessed with.

Whatever religion you choose is fine, even if it's none. Be spiritual though.

Mommy and Papa' love you and will always be here for you. Even if you rob a bank or something stupid.

A Good Day

It's been such a nice day so far today. Breakfast out just the three of us, then the swimming pool, then lunch at the nonni and now nap time. Papa' is off playing a soccer game, but when he gets home, it'll be bath time and then dinner out at our favorite local place. In the meantime, soon as Peanut wakes up, I plan on snuggling her up since it's pretty chilly outside today.

Not a bad Saturday. Hope yours is comfy too!

The Dark Side

I love how people always look at me like "Oh no! WhatEVER could be wrong with her?" whenever they witness Sofia in a tantrum (and by "love" I mean it really freaking steams my windows).

Here is the fact: my daughter has a tendency to be one of those toddlers. Yup. Those. The kind that makes you walk out of a restaurant and smugly whisper "Our child will never be that way!" to your significant other. It's fine, go ahead and whisper. I wouldn't want to be in my shoes mid-tantrum either. Her acting out make me cringe, too. And I most certainly thought I would have it all under control when it was my turn, too.

Wrong. Wrong, and wrong (am I forgetting something? oh yeah!: WRONG). Sofia is a champion, a genius, a beauty, a clown and the kindest little Peanut this side of the Milky Way. But she can also be a royal pain in the a$$ ('s' with dollar signs because you can bet your bottom dollar on it).

This past week, the hair pulling started. Before that, it was the clichèd throwing-self-on-floor-kicking-and-screaming-at-random-times-of-day (diaper changes, getting dressed, any time the word "no" was pronounced) Even before that, it was the deliberate touching of the outlets. In uterus, it was the refusing to stay still for the sonogram (that one was extremely hard to discipline).

I don't even know what to do, to be honest - which is why the "WhatEVER could be wrong with her?" looks really get my goat. I mean, WTF? YES, she is a TODDLER, she throws TANTRUMS. Why the worried look? She's fine, *I'm* the unstable one right now! And how on earth am *I* supposed to know how to deal with this? I am, after all, only 16! (Wait, what, I'm not? Oh, c'mon!!!!) Time Outs are laughable (no, I mean, she literally laughs in my face). Yelling at her gets her just the attention she wants. Distracting her does work, but it takes a whole lot of constant effort and creativity. Ignoring her seems to be the best method right now...and that is so not how I saw myself mothering my child.

Anyhoo.

So, take this as a warning:

(1) If you don't have children yet, know that you've heard the phrase "terrible twos" kicked around a lot, but you have no actual idea of what it means, so beware,

and

(2) If you happen to be around while my daughter is trying to kill me because I tried to put shoes on her, please do not look at her with those pitying eyes and ask me if she's hungry. She's not - she's just almost 2.

Playing favorites

I'm going to talk about something that's not all that fun for me to talk about: Sofia's playing favorites. Namely, her choosing her Papa' over me 9 times out of 10. Scratch that, make it 9.5 times out of 10.

I've racked my brain endlessly about why this might be. Is it because we got off to such a rocky start? Is it because mainly Andrea bottle fed her? Is it because I wasn't able to breastfeed her? Is it simply because she's a Daddy's girl? Is it because we send her to daycare? Is it because I'm the only one speaking to her in English? Is it the way I wear my hair or the tone of my voice or because I made her chicken for dinner when she wanted pasta?????

Whatever the reason be, it's something I've been dealing with for quite a while now. Though there are those fantastic (heavenly) days when both Mommy and Papa' are cool, most of the time Papa' can't leave a room without her screaming (you tell me how good it feels to have someone scream bloody murder because they have to be alone in a room with you for 3 minutes).

And then, yesterday, I got a little more insight. We took her to a birthday party for one of her daycare friends and, lo and behold, I saw a different side to Sofia: the side that is all but identical to moi, yours truly. I'd always just assumed Sofia was sociable and outgoing like her father, but yesterday we realized just how much of an Observer she is, too. She took a while to warm up and, many times, preferred to do her own thing, playing outside with a stroller while the other kids ate cookies and screamed (mainly screamed - sorry, head). She was perfectly content to munch on her piece of pizza, give a quick boogie to the music and then run to the bathroom alone to turn the faucets on and off.

So the question came to me: could one reason for her distance from me be because of how much we are alike deep-down? Could she be searching out her Papa' for the same reasons I do?: security and a calming presence who will protect her as she observes from afar, at least at first?

Could be. Also, could be that she just isn't that into me, but considering I'm her MOM and all, I'm going to go with Option A. And hope and pray that, as she grows up, she will learn that I can teach her a thing or two about how to run into the bathroom and turn the faucets on and off without seeming like a total freak.

Peanut's birthing day

My BFF Elizabeth recently came across (and by "came across" I mean finally put it in her To Do list to find it after I annoyingly hounded her) a CD of pictures taken just hours after Sofia's birth. She will be packing the CD up and bringing it with her when she comes to visit (yayyayayayayayayyayayayaya), but sent me a small preview of the preciousness.

Wow...just, wow. Look at little scrunchy, smooshy Sofia! Look at me, all just-out-of-surgery grey-colour and Andrea with that sweet little not-knowing-what-he's-in-for face! We're adoooor'ble!

Thanks Auntie Lizzie!!

Life in Bella Italia

I've been thinking a lot lately about my choice to live here in Italy. Lots of times, people tell me it was such a courageous thing to do - which is a huge compliment, but one that I feel like I can't exactly accept. At least without this disclaimer: I was 23!

Don't get me wrong, I don't in any way feel like it was a mistake moving here, or do I think I was stupid for doing it. But, you know, it's much easier to make decisions when you're 23, than when you're, say, 36 (not that I'm that old or anything). When you're 23, it's just sort of what I call the Pin the Tail on the Donkey choice: close your eyes, find the general direction your heart (and inner ear balance) takes you, extend your hand forward and pounce, and hope to get it centered as best you can.

Luckily, I'm a pretty mean Pin the Talk on the Donkey player. My instincts are good (which is probably the A#2 hope I have for Sofia as she grows up - A#1 being health, of course), and I knew instantly that Home was where Andrea was. How did I know this? Because, from the first time we met, I could sense his presence in a room without even lifting my eyes. Pretty good reason, huh?

While my decision to come live here was actually easy as pie, the actual living of it, day in and day out, can be pretty damn hard, however. The first years were especially wrought with adjustment problems. I loved this country as a student and visitor, but then the working world (often a contradiction in terms in Italy), the bureaucracy (bureau-craZy), the politics, the ass-kissing, the chauvenism...the INJUSTICE I often find here is hard for an American to swallow - even one as seemingly "un-American" as myself.

I still have that angst, and often, especially with Peanut in tow now. But - and maybe this is precisely *because* I have Peanut in tow now - I feel like I've been able to come back 'round full circle to remembering why I appreciated this country in the first place: people here haven't removed themselves from the actual act of *living*. I've pshawed the Italian month-long August holidays - but I've since realized my real question is, why doesn't everyone take a month off in August? Here in Italy, the important things include Family, Food, Friends and Fun. Does that make this a lazy country? Well, yeah, it does - which is what really gets my panties in a knot when all I need is to mail a letter at the post office and everyone is on a coffee break. But now I've come to respect the coffee breaks: why on Earth should I NOT have a coffee break? You can wait, life can wait, the financial market sure as hell can wait. I only live once. Why should I be denied my cup of coffee just so I can help you mail your letter?

I wish I could print this out and somehow have My Past Self from 10 Years Ago read this post....oh, the laughter (and frustration) I'd get from myself!!

Anyway. Am ending this now so I can go get some coffee. Go Italy! (just please stop closing supermarkets on Sundays!)

Mid-day realization.

My daughter is going to be 16 one day and will longer wake up begging to watch youtube videos of horses as an excuse to cuddle with me.

That is all.

Sniff.