1 is the tiniest biggest number

The afternoon I took this picture was quintessential "Samina".

Dirt in your fingernails, picking daisies and putting them in my hand, carefully analyzing each one, looking to me for approval every time you *didn't* put one in your mouth.

Squealing with joy, arms up over your head at the birds flying above, as if you were trying to catch one.

Rebelliously ripping your hood off your head each time I slyly tried to pull it back up, afraid you were getting too cold.

Smiles from ear to ear at the arrival of your Papà and big sister.

Insisting you drink your water from a plastic cup, all by yourself, but then unwisely giving into temptation and crinkling up that cup, water and all, too enchanted by the sound it made.

And then, getting tired, whining til Mommy picked you up, sticking a thumb in your mouth and the other hand right down my shirt, searching for comfort.

Happy 1st birthday, my remarkable girl. Every day with you is a lesson in living. I am so lucky to be your Mommy.

We love you, Sami.

- Mommy, Papà & Sofi

To wean or not to wean.

With Samina's first birthday rapidly approaching (!!!!), I suddenly find myself in the eye of an important decision: weaning her from breastfeeding or not.

Do I continue? Or do I stop? And, if I stop, why am I stopping - because *I* want to, because *she* is ready? Or because people in general are telling me I should stop?

Before Samina, I was of the "if the baby can ask for it, it's time to stop" camp. Not that I really thought about it all that much, but if I saw an older child breastfeeding, or that famous cover of TIME magazine, I would have done a double-take or even, well, cringed on the inside.

But then I started breastfeeding. And now I ask myself questions like "Why did I cringe?" and "What is it about nursing that offends the general public so much, or at the very least gives them enough angst to have an opinion about it?"

I've already started getting unsolicited input about it. My mother-in-law has warned me about becoming one of "those" women who nurses for over a year. At a round-table discussion at Samina's daycare, a couple of the other moms declared that nursing for over a year would make me miserable. At a recent check-up with my ob/gyn, she raised an eyebrow when I said I was still nursing. A lot of people seem to have an opinion on this topic.

And me? What do I want?

When I got home from the round-table discussion, I cried. Because I'm not ready. Because Samina's not ready. Because those words, those opinions and judgements, are hurtful. And, mainly, confuse me. Andrea and I have put so much stock in going with our guts - with trying to follow a *natural* path with our daughters - that it doesn't make any sense to me...it feels right. It feels ok. It feels perfectly natural. And, while I do have a lot of thinking to do, because I really do believe that only when I wean her will we all finally sleep through the night, I also already know the answer. At least for now. Because, honestly, there are so few ways that we as parents are able to soothe our children, to give them the comfort they desperately crave. And she will only be little once, and I will only be able to give her this particular gift once, at a time in her life when all she longs for and needs is wrapped up in my role as a parent. So what is the sense in suddenly cutting her off?