Happy 8th, Sofi!

My sweet, tenacious, responsible, peppery Sofia turns 8 today and I - of course - am half in denial. Where oh where has the time gone?

There is nobody quite like Sofia. You know that famous poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow? This one:

There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl,

Right in the middle of her forehead.

 When she was good,

   She was very good indeed,

  But when she was bad she was horrid.

That pretty much sums it up!

My curly-headed wonder daughter is the most gorgeous creature inside and out- so kind and empathetic, curious and judicious. Her understanding of herself is right on the nose - so much so that recently she rightfully described her own best trait as gentilezza (kindness) and her own worst trait as being irritabile (irritable). With not a pinch of help from us older folk. Her teachers have only positive things to say about how she gets on well with and helps her classmates, has been blessed with tireless curiosity, and has a level of concentration that couldn't be broken with a tornado.

There is another side to Sofia - a whinier side, that is often bubbling right under the surface. She does NOT like not getting her way - she likes it even less when the one winning the battle is her sister. But Andrea and I - as difficult as it is to reason with this side of her - have learned to accept and really appreciate it for what it will surely bring her in the future: independence. Because, while Sofia lives for human relationships and conversation, social situations and chaos - she also knows when to say no, and nobody (but nooobody) is going to get her to change her mind, come hell or high water. This will, I think (well, um, I sorta know from experience) serve her well in the future.

Current loves: painting ceramics, pretending to be a swim teacher or a ballerina, the movie "Ballerina", putting on "shows" for family and friends, swimming, running, playing piano, getting fancy, playing with her sister, taking showers, sushi and restaurants in general, gossip (lawd help us), parties, people, having people over for dinner. Did I mention she thrives on chaos?

Current hates: when her sister is annoying, when her sister won't play the game the way she is supposed to, when her sister touches her leg by accident when they're sitting on the couch (insert eye roll here), injustice, being yelled at, scary movies (which also includes Frozen, by the by).

Sofia, you are growing into such a wonderfully complex little person. You are so tough too - overcoming your fears, looking them right in the eye, and pouncing away to the finish line. I admire that, I admire you. I am learning so very much from you, and we are all so insanely lucky to have you.

Happy birthday, my delightful Peanut. We love you more than words can really say.

Now let's go rock this summer!

Love,

Mommy, Papi & Sami

On Children

Today I had the honor of watching Samina perform as The Moon in her end of the year play. She had been reciting the part for a while now, but I had no idea that the part would be (a) sung and (b) a solo! I know I'm biased, but she was P-E-R-F-E-C-T. My heart is still bursting with pride for her and her fearlessness and grace.

And my sense of admiration immediately had me thinking about this wonderful piece by Kahlil Gibran.

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.


You may not remember today, but trust me on this: you were the sweetest moon ever, dearest Samina!

To Sami on your 5th birthday

Dearest Samina,

Starting to sound like a broken record, but it truly seems like just days ago that I met you for the first time. I will never forget how I immediately recognized that same feeling I'd had with your sister: a profound sense of familiarity. Like we had already known - and loved - each other in some ancient, far away life.

Now, 5 years later, your friends and family - and old ladies at the supermarket - flock to you and your magnetic personality. Charmed by your contagious laugh and that mischievous grin, and those jolly chocolate brown eyes - and by the inspiring image of a long-haired, swirly dress-wearing girl with lip gloss carrying around a pair of Hot Wheels and kicking a soccer ball.

You are generous with your affection and smart as a whip, the ever observer who shocks me constantly because absolutely nothing goes over your head. You are wise beyond your years and - maybe my favorite trait of yours, though it's hard to pick just one - you have such a seasoned sense of irony, innately aware of life's both big and little jokes. But you are also deeply empathetic and quick to size up any situation, better and faster than most adults I know.

Not a day goes by that I don't feel fortunate to be your Mommy. Thank you for trusting me, for making us all belly laugh, for bringing such love (paired with aggravation) to your big sister, and for teaching us all how to stop and smell the roses.

Happy 5th birthday, sweet Pookie. May you always find the courage to stay true to yourself.

We love you so much,

Mommy, Papà and Sofi

What we can do

This week feels particularly grim. It's hard to see past the executive orders, the cabinet appointments, the painful "press conferences", the media blackout. As it is most likely intended to do, it brings a mist of hopelessness over what was already a trying time, and it is most certainly going to get worse before it gets better. But I do believe it *will* get better. As long as we fight the desire to just unplug it all and run and hide. We can do that too - we MUST do that too, to keep us sane and motivated - but we also need to have a plan of action.

We need to keep ourselves politically active, first and foremost. For some thoughts regarding that, you can see (among many others): www.womensmarch.com/100/ and https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/. But many of us are feeling like that's not enough. And so I've been brainstorming about other things that can be done, beyond the realm of politics and policy. Small-seeming gestures that can change lives in tangible ways, and I would like to share them with you and invite you to join me in any of the ones that feel pertinent to you:

1. If you have any kids in your life, read them stories with feminist heroes ("I Dissent: Ruth Bader Ginsburg Makes Her Mark," "Rosie Revere, Engineer," "Grace for President," "Malala Yousafzai: Warrior with Words," to name just a few), or any books that can start discussions on issues that are important to you.

2. Stop and talk to a stranger today. Anyone. A homeless person, a granny at the supermarket, your grocery delivery kid. Make eye contact. Offer them coffee. Share a laugh.

3. Volunteer: at your local library or soup kitchen, nursing home, your kid's school.

4. Pay it forward: pay for someone's coffee or Target purchase or groceries.

5. Donate. Clean out some closets and bring them to your nearest Goodwill, synagogue or neighbor in need.

6. Cook a meal for friends. Even better if they are new parents or have a large family, etc., but even just for your neighbor. Just because.

7. Make new friends. That woman you always run into and chat with at your kid's baseball game? Ask her if she wants to go out for a drink sometime (and then actually go!).

8. Make art. Take your angst and make it into a painting, a poem, a story, a collage, a photograph. Then share it on social media to inspire someone else.

9. Make a concerted effort to help. Give up your seat on the bus, help an elderly person carry his shopping bags, give someone your parking spot, wash your friend's dishes while she's in the other room, shovel your neighbor's driveway. 

10. Take a long walk outside every once in a while. Let yourself feel however you are feeling and make a plan of action while you're sweating out your worries.

11. Go to town/local government meetings. Even if they're about things you know nothing about or couldn't care less about. Be present. Take notes and follow up.

12. Put a little something in the tip jar. At the bar, at the coffee shop, at the coat check.

13. Buy things from local shops, donate money to an artist, offer to work the front of house at a local theater, support the local arts by going to their performances and inviting friends to join you.

14. Subscribe (I mean with money, not just free online) to a trusted news outlet.

15. Talk to any friends who may not have voted in the last election and help them register to vote/help them find out about when your next local elections are and get involved with them.

16. Perhaps the most important of all: go rogue. Force yourself not to accept authority on instinct, but really think critically about what you are being told to do/reading/hearing/what is being asked of you. Get support from ally friends if fighting the standard means you may be affected negatively (and you will). Fight the good fight, starting with your own mind.

I could go on and on. I truly believe that the way we carry ourselves in our daily lives is of the utmost importance. As the saying goes: "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

I would love for anyone and everyone to contribute their own too, so please, please share any others you may think of! And THANK YOU.

Let's roll up our sleeves, friends!

They were marching for you, too.

Have you ever looked for an empty seat on a bus or in a college lecture or at the movie theater next to a woman, instead of a man, to avoid being bothered?

Have you ever pretended to listen to music on your headphones so men would leave you alone?

Have you ever been totally giddy at the idea of joining a women’s-only gym?

Have you ever walked into a car dealership to have their first question be “So, what color would you like?”

Have you ever had a story to tell every.single.day about being (often vulgarly) cat-called as you walk to work?

Have you ever had a friend wait for you to safely get inside your house before they drove off?

Have you ever been told you should smile more/asked why you are always so angry?

Have you ever been told you are a crybaby, a bitch, an idiot because what on earth could you have to complain about?

Have you ever purposely not made eye contact with a man so he wouldn’t get the wrong idea?

Have you ever felt uneasy around a man, but couldn’t put your finger on why?

Have you ever “spotted” a friend at a bar to make sure the guy harassing her would just leave?

Have you ever tried to make yourself "a guy's girl" to be cooler?

Have you ever changed your outfit 10 times before a job interview because you didn’t want to give off the “wrong vibe”?

Have you ever had to water down your views or opinions to avoid being seen as a "bitch"?

Well then, those women were marching for you, too, whether you wanted them to or not.