Happy 10th, Sammy Whammy!

 

At the risk of sounding, once again, like a broken record...10???!!! HOW IN THE HELLLLLLL??

My dearest Pookie,

I don't know how we are already here at Double Digits! As they say: long days, short years. Time flies with you though, my sweet/spicy girl, thanks to your loyal heart, your sensitive spirit, your hysterical antics, your perfect comic timing, your fierce independence. You wiggle your way into the heart of everyone who's ever known you, with that mischievous sparkle in your eye 💓

Your current favorites:

Playing calcetto, track, swimming with Irene, candy, gnam gnam (chicken wings), Sun (sushi/Chinese restaurant), traveling, tv/tablet time, movies, being with your friends and around people, playing games, your gumball machine that Sofia gave you for your birthday, surprises, rollerskating/rollerblading, Woodloch, dogs and animals, not having any homework, putting makeup on with your sister, playing all sorts of sports outside, having people read to you, shopping (especially at Tiger), when we let you use our cell phones, gelato, barbies & OMG dolls, telling and making up jokes, presents, squishies, slime and little knick-knacks, family, vacation, freedom.

Your current hates:

Getting in trouble, having to sit still for too long, when your sister annoys you, doing what you're told, when people don't respect your boundaries, having to practice piano when you don't feel like it, arguments and anger, talking about your feelings, having to sit and listen to adults chat, boredom, boys (unless they're very quiet and know their place 😂), having to wear a smock to school, talking on the phone/videochat for too long, cake that isn't ice cream cake, reading when you don't feel like it (are you sensing a theme here....?).

You complete our family, Sami, in the absolutely best and brightest way possible, and I thank my lucky stars every day that we get a front row seat as you grow up. I could not be more proud of you, my sweet girl.

Love you forever,

Mommy (and Papà and Sofi)

Goodbye, 2021. Hello, 2022.

 

(I refused to try to fit my favorite pictures into just 9)

Well, 2021, what can I say? Started off weird, turned more normal-ish, Summertime made us feel invincible, ended with a major landslide (and not the good kind).

This year I learned:

* I Can Do Hard Things, and my favorite hard thing to do is hiking with my family.

* I am only responsible for how I respond. Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys.

* My greatest responsibility/joy is continuing to make this home, this family my children's safe place - not just physically but also as far as the memories they will use as they get older to help ground and calm them. There is no greater honor or weight.

* We are all connected.

* I am more than the sum of my bad or good days.

* 10 minutes alone in the morning with coffee and a candle help my family survive until sundown.

* I don't know how the hell I managed to *know* already at 23, but I married the right guy.

* The laughing reaction on social media is everything that is wrong with our world today.

* Traveling was even more important to me than I'd realized.

 * I will never stop trying to be forthright and honest with people, even if it means I will lose on average 1-2 friends per year.

* The friends/family who do stay - the ones who appreciate the forthright, imperfect me? They are everything.

There are so many more lessons this year has put forward, and I will forever be grateful for both the struggle and the beauty I managed to dig up amidst the absolute turmoil.

 May our 2022 be peaceful, healthy and filled with countless joyful surprises.

Saying goodbye to Bia

 

Bia (October 2020 - August 2021)

Losing our beloved chicken Bia has been so hard. Sad, traumatic, shocking, scary. I knew we were all getting very attached to these 6 little chickies, but I had no idea just how much her death would rock us all until this past Monday, when she was apparently killed by a fox right next to our house, in the middle of the day. 

We'd been able to let these little ones roam free in our backyard for a couple carefree months, but now they're back to a life inside their (luxury) cage. So, on top of the sadness we're feeling for our loss, we've also got to deal with a nice cage-sized heap of guilt. 

Andrea and I made sure we had a little ceremony for Bia and we all go back to visit her grave whenever we want to say hi. We're trying really hard to follow the girls' lead - if they're nervous about leaving the chickens alone, one of us stays back. When Samina was out with a friend yesterday, I promised to check on them every 10 minutes (and did).

Going through this first very painful death as a family has been yet another learning moment for me. I know that the trauma of this experience is already something that has shaped the girls. I know that we have all been able to get through the past 18 months of covid life relatively scot-free thanks to our chicken friends and the lovely and loving distraction they've given us. Bia and her sisters have been a constant source of wonder, laughter and just something positive that we were able to associate to these hard times. The sudden pain of losing one of them seems to have put a crack in the fragile equilibrium she'd helped us create.

When I said goodbye to Bia, I promised her we would take good care of her sisters, and after a couple days of the girls being hesitant to visit with the remaining five, they are back in there, laughing and snuggling them. I am thankful for their resilience, but I also know that something in them - in all of us - has shifted. A consciousness of the fragility of life that not even 2 lockdowns, social distancing and constant mask wearing has really been able to bring home.

We will miss you Bia, and we will never forget you and the joy you brought to our little family. Rest in peace.

Meeting the chickens for the first time

Tiny chicks in the very early days

Sami with Bia

Bia's gorgeous little punim

Oops, Happy Belated Sofia!!

I can't believe how late I am to posting this for Sofia's 12th birthday...which was a month and a half ago (😅), but here I am!

Dearest Sofia,

I need to start this note by saying how proud I am/we are of you. It's incredible to me, how you have surpassed every idea we had of who you would be. You are so smart, caring, empathetic, curious, honest, geniune, silly, original, and beautiful - inside and out. Not a day goes by that I don't feel entirely fortunate to be your mom - to know you so well, to be trusted and loved by you, to be around to help you become the best Sofia you can possibly be - which you do, on a daily basis 💓

So, in honor of your (belated) 12TH BIRTHDAY, I'm here to document who you are right now in time.

Your current LOVES:
Our chickens, sushi, going to school, music, hanging out in (what will hopefully soon be) your room, conversations, watching movies/TV all together on the couch, swimming, going out, seeing friends, new clothes and finding your own style, family, playing board games together, sleeping in, new piano challenges, laughing (especially when your sissy makes you laugh), travel.

Your current HATES:
When your sister is being annoying (I could just repeat this one for the next 10 lines and it would pretty much cover everything you hate in a nutshell), when I am being annoying, when your papà gets mad at you, when we check in on you to make sure you're doing your homework, having to wake up early, not being able to go to school, Trump, seeing people sad, not being able to see your friends and family, injustice, scary or very emotional movies.

You never leave the lunch/dinner table without thanking whoever made lunch, you so carefully studied the chickens and helped us all realize they have their own very specific personalities. You are the first one there to make sure your sister's ok if she's crying or hurt. You don't often take no for an answer, but just between us I actually love that about you. I love our before-bedtime chats on your bed where I feel like we can just talk about anything and you will never tire of asking questions and truly, honestly listening to my answers. 

I continue to learn so much from you Sofia - about how to love and show love. Thank you so much for traveling through this weird life with me - letting me be by your side as you experience it all, and letting papà and Samina and I really *know* you.

We love you so much - and I am so sorry that your birthday is the last of all of ours so by the time we roll around to June 25th I apparently always forget to write these notes to you!!! 

Happy 12th, sweet Sofia.

Love,

Mommy (and Papà and Sami)

To Samina, on your 9th trip around the sun

Our dearest Sami,

9! 9!!! I know how excited you are for this new number (you never liked the number 8 -- "too perfect"). Your last single digit! My last year with you as more of a little girl than a tween! 

My heart aches when I think about how quickly time is moving away from me, how it seems like just yesterday you wiggled your way into my heart with your usual resolve and determination. 

You are pure joy and delight, with a profound understanding of who you are and how you fit into this crazy world. It is the greatest privilege to be able to witness your life unfolding from where I'm sitting. I have no doubt that your future holds magnificent things for you, and I am honored to be here, waiting in the wings, whenever and however you may need me. 

Your current LOVES:

OUR CHICKENS!, gelato, making your own slime, watching youtube videos on your tablet, watching tv and movies all together (current favorite: all 11 films of the Star Wars saga, Fuller House, anything by Miyazaki), family and friends, cuddles, rollerblading, climbing on the monkey bars, riding your bike, playing (especially outside) with your sister, bugging your sister and purposely making her mad, being read to, candy, gyoza, presents, money, going to school (most days), snow days, onesie pajamas, and making people laugh.

Your current HATES:

HOMEWORK, when any of us fight, when anyone is mad at you, when you get in trouble, not having enough time to relax with tv/movie time before bed, having to stop doing something you're intensely in the middle of doing, covid, when your sister won't pay attention to you, when your sister picks up the chickens before you, Trump, when anyone doesn't wait for you, being told what to do, seeing people crying, being made to hurry.

Sami, I know this is yet another weird birthday, and I know you are missing birthday parties and laughing freely with your friends and seeing your American family, and so I hope we are able at least to give you the best possible covidbirthday that we can. You deserve all the balloons and gelato cake and presents and sunshine in the universe. I hope you know how much you are loved, and I hope there will never come a day when you doubt your value in this world. 

Happy birthday to our sweet, quick-witted, clever, cheeky, kind, generous, creative, bright, firecracker of a baby girl. The world is your oyster 💓

I love you Pookie,

Mommy

Things I've learned/revisited in 2020

• Relationships are cyclical.
  
  
• I'm happy being a Mom and a Wife - and I'm ok with those being my main definitions of myself -and it won't last forever.
  
  
• Not all relationships are worth salvaging.
  
  
• Boundaries are self-love.
  
  
• The higher the expectation, the harder the fall.
  
  
• Whatever form my creativity comes in is worthy and beautiful.
  
  
• Most annoyances can be solved with fresh air, exercise and/or a hug.
  
  
• Show love audaciously.
  
  
• I get mean when I'm scared.
  
  
• Laughter is the greatest unifier. 
  
  
• One of my greatest joys is seeing the people I care about move confidently through the world.
  
  
• Words matter.
  
  
• We are all inextricably tied; taking care of one another is our job and our privilege.
  
  
• Things will never turn out the way I think they will.
  
  
• "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou
  
  
• It takes me a second to get my bearings, but I can be strong under pressure.
  
  
• Not everyone is going to like me. That's ok. I can still be kind and seek out their humanity.
  
  
• Feelings are for feeling.
  
  
• The only thing we can control is our response.

Sami turns 8

Dearest Samina,

Happy Coronabirthday! This birthday is admittedly a little weird - stuck in this house for weeks on end without outside contact. Not able to have that sleepover party you wanted, not able to have Mema and Pop Pop come visit, not able to see your Nonni or your Zio, not even be able to go out to dinner.

And yet, I haven't heard you complain, not even once. In fact, the only things you requested for your birthday were hot & sour soup (found it!), not having to do any homework (happy to oblige!) and your sister's full attention (not a problem - she's more excited it's your birthday than you are!). You seem more than happy to be trapped here, in your adorable pj's, playing outside in the sun with Sofia and, later, watching a Planet Earth documentary after our special sushi dinner.

Sami, you are a force of nature, and I don't think I ever will be able to express just how much I not only love you, but admire and respect you. You are simultaneously tough and delicate, sassy and sweet, funny and serious, bright and silly. You are so many things, and all of them completely yourself. As I've said so many times in the past, my greatest hope for you is that you manage to keep that superpower - the love and the faith you have in yourself. Papà, Sofia and I will be here to remind you of it, in those more difficult moments when you may find loving yourself impossible.

Your current Loves:
Obviously hot & sour soup, playing with your sister, riding your bike (YOU TAUGHT YOURSELF!!!), snuggling with me, watching TV (Hunter Street, The Thundermans, Ladybug, Ride), watching movies together after dinner (Instant Family, High School Musical, documentaries about animals but really anything at all), playing bocce and biliardino as our after-lunch ritual, swimming, eating at your favorite restaurants but also getting take-out and eating it at home in your pjs, making ceramics, sleeping in, saying or hearing curse words, dancing, making people happy, using the computer or iPad, freedom, family, good friends.

Your current Hates:
Being forced to read, when anyone yells at you, being forced to socialize when you're tired, being wrongly accused of something, too much homework, too much noise, pitch black, Trump (this one's obviously my doing), mosquitoes, cruelty of any kind.

You have brought endless joy to my life and the lives of so many, from the moment you got here. Thank you for being our sunshine and for lighting the way with your brilliant smile and your infectious laughter. We love you so much, Sami, and hope this next 8th (even though I know you hate that number -- "too perfect") year of life brings you all the happy surprises you deserve.

Love you forever,

Mommy, Papà and Sofi