Sami turns 11!

Dear Sami,

HAPPY 11th! 

Another year has gone by and I have so much to say to you!

We've had a great year filled with lots of amazing milestones. Mostly though, we were all happy to get back out into the world again - not without some problems (see: our very covid-y summer!) - but we made the very best of it.

 

You are turning into such a wonderful person, Sami. So bright and funny - your comic timing is just *chef's kiss*. You are empathetic and generous (when you want to be - which is cool by me), aware and intuitive, fun to be around, silly, sassy, and spicy. You march to the beat of your own drum and it thrills me to see you so much yourself, all the time. My hope for you is that middle school doesn't take that confidence away from you, but I have a hunch that - even if it disappears for a short stint - it will stay in there, at the sparkly core of who you are as a person.

Your current favorites:

Your new cell phone (!), your friends, spending time with family, makeup, gelato and candy, going to America, Ristorante Sun and all things sushi-gyoza, swimming and water, warm weather, playing outside with friends, Mario Kart, bowling, laughing, making up and telling jokes, watching Gilmore Girls with your sister and me, Star Wars, Squishmallows, your new Pandora bracelet, lip glosses, Groot, family movie nights, new shoes, drawing (you're especially good at Manga!), calcetto, watching youtube videos, singing and dancing (especially TikTok dances your friends have taught you!).

Your current dislikes:

Being told what to do, getting in trouble (especially for something you didn't do), cleaning up, being criticized, losing games of any kind, spending time with people you don't like, being bored, having to wear your grembiule (smock) to school, being forced to go to a different middle school from your friends next year, when your sister is mean to you, being forced to sit at a table listening to adults talk, most kinds of pizza, getting sick, homework during vacations, doing extra lessons for Problem Solving, reading books you don't like, having to go to bed when you're in the middle of something good on TV, having to wear your retainer, talking about your feelings.

Everything about you brings me joy -- even in the hard moments, when you take offense to something or we force you to clean up a room, that fire in you stirs pride in me and makes me feel like I know you are going to live a very special, great, significant life.

Sometimes when you're listing your names of "BFFs" you add me onto it, and it makes me smile. I know I go a little too easy on you sometimes (which is of absolutely no service to Future You), and sometimes I have to remind myself you're my buddy but I'm still your Mommy! But sometimes I can't seem to help it...seeing you happy is just so much fun for the rest of us.

Never, ever change, baby girl. Your father and sister and I will be right here next to you, chuckling at your jokes, mesmerized by you and so extremely proud of the person you are and are becoming. 

We love you, Pookie 💓

Thoughts on the eve of my 48th birthday

Mood.

Dear Me,

The older I get, the more I dislike my birthday. Too much attention, too much pressure (coming solely from myself), too much everything at the very end of a long holiday season. 

That said, this morning Samina reminded me of the alternative, and I took a deep breath and realized she was absolutely right. I may not like the actual day, but I like the idea. I LOVE that it means I was given the opportunity ("blessed," if you like) to try this Life thing out for one more year. I survived a whole 'nother year! How amazing is that? I was healthy enough to have adventures, take trips, cuddle my not-really-babies-anymore, share knowing looks with my husband, spend quality time with family and friends, eat new food, see 365 sunsets, laugh at new (old) jokes, shower the people I love with love (©James Taylor), feel the sun on my face and unearth boundless wonder.

So, while the day itself still will probably make me squeamish and a little uncomfortable, I know I will feel endless gratitude too - for the chance, the breath, the life.

Happy 48th trip around the sun to me 💓

Happy 10th, Sammy Whammy!

 

At the risk of sounding, once again, like a broken record...10???!!! HOW IN THE HELLLLLLL??

My dearest Pookie,

I don't know how we are already here at Double Digits! As they say: long days, short years. Time flies with you though, my sweet/spicy girl, thanks to your loyal heart, your sensitive spirit, your hysterical antics, your perfect comic timing, your fierce independence. You wiggle your way into the heart of everyone who's ever known you, with that mischievous sparkle in your eye 💓

Your current favorites:

Playing calcetto, track, swimming with Irene, candy, gnam gnam (chicken wings), Sun (sushi/Chinese restaurant), traveling, tv/tablet time, movies, being with your friends and around people, playing games, your gumball machine that Sofia gave you for your birthday, surprises, rollerskating/rollerblading, Woodloch, dogs and animals, not having any homework, putting makeup on with your sister, playing all sorts of sports outside, having people read to you, shopping (especially at Tiger), when we let you use our cell phones, gelato, barbies & OMG dolls, telling and making up jokes, presents, squishies, slime and little knick-knacks, family, vacation, freedom.

Your current hates:

Getting in trouble, having to sit still for too long, when your sister annoys you, doing what you're told, when people don't respect your boundaries, having to practice piano when you don't feel like it, arguments and anger, talking about your feelings, having to sit and listen to adults chat, boredom, boys (unless they're very quiet and know their place 😂), having to wear a smock to school, talking on the phone/videochat for too long, cake that isn't ice cream cake, reading when you don't feel like it (are you sensing a theme here....?).

You complete our family, Sami, in the absolutely best and brightest way possible, and I thank my lucky stars every day that we get a front row seat as you grow up. I could not be more proud of you, my sweet girl.

Love you forever,

Mommy (and Papà and Sofi)

Goodbye, 2021. Hello, 2022.

 

(I refused to try to fit my favorite pictures into just 9)

Well, 2021, what can I say? Started off weird, turned more normal-ish, Summertime made us feel invincible, ended with a major landslide (and not the good kind).

This year I learned:

* I Can Do Hard Things, and my favorite hard thing to do is hiking with my family.

* I am only responsible for how I respond. Not My Circus, Not My Monkeys.

* My greatest responsibility/joy is continuing to make this home, this family my children's safe place - not just physically but also as far as the memories they will use as they get older to help ground and calm them. There is no greater honor or weight.

* We are all connected.

* I am more than the sum of my bad or good days.

* 10 minutes alone in the morning with coffee and a candle help my family survive until sundown.

* I don't know how the hell I managed to *know* already at 23, but I married the right guy.

* The laughing reaction on social media is everything that is wrong with our world today.

* Traveling was even more important to me than I'd realized.

 * I will never stop trying to be forthright and honest with people, even if it means I will lose on average 1-2 friends per year.

* The friends/family who do stay - the ones who appreciate the forthright, imperfect me? They are everything.

There are so many more lessons this year has put forward, and I will forever be grateful for both the struggle and the beauty I managed to dig up amidst the absolute turmoil.

 May our 2022 be peaceful, healthy and filled with countless joyful surprises.

Saying goodbye to Bia

 

Bia (October 2020 - August 2021)

Losing our beloved chicken Bia has been so hard. Sad, traumatic, shocking, scary. I knew we were all getting very attached to these 6 little chickies, but I had no idea just how much her death would rock us all until this past Monday, when she was apparently killed by a fox right next to our house, in the middle of the day. 

We'd been able to let these little ones roam free in our backyard for a couple carefree months, but now they're back to a life inside their (luxury) cage. So, on top of the sadness we're feeling for our loss, we've also got to deal with a nice cage-sized heap of guilt. 

Andrea and I made sure we had a little ceremony for Bia and we all go back to visit her grave whenever we want to say hi. We're trying really hard to follow the girls' lead - if they're nervous about leaving the chickens alone, one of us stays back. When Samina was out with a friend yesterday, I promised to check on them every 10 minutes (and did).

Going through this first very painful death as a family has been yet another learning moment for me. I know that the trauma of this experience is already something that has shaped the girls. I know that we have all been able to get through the past 18 months of covid life relatively scot-free thanks to our chicken friends and the lovely and loving distraction they've given us. Bia and her sisters have been a constant source of wonder, laughter and just something positive that we were able to associate to these hard times. The sudden pain of losing one of them seems to have put a crack in the fragile equilibrium she'd helped us create.

When I said goodbye to Bia, I promised her we would take good care of her sisters, and after a couple days of the girls being hesitant to visit with the remaining five, they are back in there, laughing and snuggling them. I am thankful for their resilience, but I also know that something in them - in all of us - has shifted. A consciousness of the fragility of life that not even 2 lockdowns, social distancing and constant mask wearing has really been able to bring home.

We will miss you Bia, and we will never forget you and the joy you brought to our little family. Rest in peace.

Meeting the chickens for the first time

Tiny chicks in the very early days

Sami with Bia

Bia's gorgeous little punim

Oops, Happy Belated Sofia!!

I can't believe how late I am to posting this for Sofia's 12th birthday...which was a month and a half ago (😅), but here I am!

Dearest Sofia,

I need to start this note by saying how proud I am/we are of you. It's incredible to me, how you have surpassed every idea we had of who you would be. You are so smart, caring, empathetic, curious, honest, geniune, silly, original, and beautiful - inside and out. Not a day goes by that I don't feel entirely fortunate to be your mom - to know you so well, to be trusted and loved by you, to be around to help you become the best Sofia you can possibly be - which you do, on a daily basis 💓

So, in honor of your (belated) 12TH BIRTHDAY, I'm here to document who you are right now in time.

Your current LOVES:
Our chickens, sushi, going to school, music, hanging out in (what will hopefully soon be) your room, conversations, watching movies/TV all together on the couch, swimming, going out, seeing friends, new clothes and finding your own style, family, playing board games together, sleeping in, new piano challenges, laughing (especially when your sissy makes you laugh), travel.

Your current HATES:
When your sister is being annoying (I could just repeat this one for the next 10 lines and it would pretty much cover everything you hate in a nutshell), when I am being annoying, when your papà gets mad at you, when we check in on you to make sure you're doing your homework, having to wake up early, not being able to go to school, Trump, seeing people sad, not being able to see your friends and family, injustice, scary or very emotional movies.

You never leave the lunch/dinner table without thanking whoever made lunch, you so carefully studied the chickens and helped us all realize they have their own very specific personalities. You are the first one there to make sure your sister's ok if she's crying or hurt. You don't often take no for an answer, but just between us I actually love that about you. I love our before-bedtime chats on your bed where I feel like we can just talk about anything and you will never tire of asking questions and truly, honestly listening to my answers. 

I continue to learn so much from you Sofia - about how to love and show love. Thank you so much for traveling through this weird life with me - letting me be by your side as you experience it all, and letting papà and Samina and I really *know* you.

We love you so much - and I am so sorry that your birthday is the last of all of ours so by the time we roll around to June 25th I apparently always forget to write these notes to you!!! 

Happy 12th, sweet Sofia.

Love,

Mommy (and Papà and Sami)