Girls,
You are becoming quite your own people.
Sofia.
You are sensitive, curious, stubborn and you thoroughly enjoy a good laugh. You love to teach your little sister new things and boss her around, but you are patient with her too, and I credit you daily with the moments of sisterly bliss we sometimes (sooooometimes) have the pleasure of experiencing. You and your feelings are open for all the world to see, and I sometimes fear this vulnerability will harm you one day, but I also see your tough side, the one that doesn't take any crap from anyone, and I silently root you on.
You love reading and books, eating, asking questions and analyzing answers, cuddling and (STILL! Will you ever outgrow it, OUCH!?) playing with my "special finger", helping Papà with his home improvements, traveling, picking out your own clothes and going out for dinner.
You hate having to share your toys with your little sister, being yelled at, wearing pants, being told what to do, having to wait, driving any more than 20 minutes in the car, seeing animals injured or people fighting.
My love for you is fierce and volatile. You are my first child and have taught us so much about what it means to be a (decent) parent. My frustration with you, but also my empathy for you, stems from the fact that we are so very alike, and not just because of our curly hair.
Samina.
You are screaming and belly laughter all rolled up. You are our court jester, with a generous, bright, curious heart of gold. You bring completion and heart to our family of 4 while, at the same time, you also tend to knock any sense of peaceful balance flat on its ass. You know what you want, and you want it NOW, and NO is a word you love to say, but have no patience for hearing. You pretend to ignore your sister, but the second she is in the next room you repeatedly ask "Fia??" in a panic. The way you scream and throw yourself onto me, arms stretched into the wildest, most full-on hug makes me feel loved in a way I don't even have the words for.
You love animals, especially dogs. You love books (especially books about dogs!), eating, running, eating while running, being mischievous, nursing, sleeping (though, ehem, not in any continuous manner, ehem), yelling, chatting, making people laugh, freedom to move, people, and pissing off your sister.
You hate when Sofia and Papà leave to go to school in the morning, being constrained, car rides (see previous hate), not getting your way, being picked up when you want to run, being scolded or feeling ignored.
I realized a while back that we have one of every element in our house: Earth (me), Air (Papà), Water (Sofia) and Fire (Samina). And not a day goes by that I don't recognize the balance and pull of that fact...the ebb and flow of our intermingling personalities, the overwhelming sense of intensity in the gamut of emotions we feel every single day.
One day, my girls, you will get older and read this love note, and know that you brought me and my heart just that, on a daily basis: intensity. And I hope that, when that day comes, you will know what an honor it is for me to be your Mommy, keeper of sunshine, rain, thunder and lightning.
2 comments:
Thank you Jody. You wrote the most wonderful love letter. Regardless the different attitudes and behaviours that make each child special, you have been able to describe in a perfect way the intensity and variety of the breath taking love that a mother feels. That I feel too. So thank you for your precious skill full words. You touched my heart.
That is so sweet, grazie :)
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