My breastfeeding soapbox

I have a lot to say on this subject brought up by the Wall Street Journal.

Let me start by saying this as strongly as I possibly can: I am not judging. If a woman makes a choice to formula feed, more power to her. Honestly. What my soapbox here is about is the misinformation, the manipulation by big business and the lack of support floating around the subject of breastfeeding, in the case where a woman would have wanted to breastfeed but was pressured out of it, in one way or another.

When I became a mom, I asked my own mother why she formula-fed all three of her children. Her response to me was "because, back then, that's what you did." She's right. When I was born back in the *cough* 1970's *cough*, that's just what most moms in the U.S. did.

Have things changed? Well, my vote is both yes and no.

Yes. Of late (the last 10 years?), the public has woken up some and, albeit begrudgingly, decided to take things into its own hands. For example, in 2012, Mayor Bloomberg "banned" baby formula from NYC hospitals, while the "Breast is Best" campaign -- stirring an avalanche of debate -- has by now become a household name.

No. Uninformed or insensitive nurses and doctors still often force their patients to immediately start supplementing, beginning from the early hours after a baby is born. Vulnerable, hormone-ridden, justifiably scared mothers (and fathers) face the intimidating task on their own. Hospitals often have one single lactation consultant available for their entire ward, if any at all. Appointments must be booked in advance but, and I know this from experience, the problem is that moms don't know they will need a consultant until they need one. And, since the first few hours are the most critical, these waiting moms will instinctually do anything to stop their babies from crying. And so begins formula use.

The world hasn't become a friendlier place for breastfeeding mothers. Not only is hospital staff untrained in the bedside manner of dealing with a postpartum, anxious breastfeeding mom, but just the simple act of nursing itself has become so sexualized in our society that moms have to buy expensive cover-ups to keep the poor world from catching a glimpse of their side boob. Moms who choose to nurse for longer than a couple months (me) are constantly fielding questions about when they're planning on stopping and aren't you tired of having her hang off you? 

Things here in Italy are only slightly better -- help is there, but you have to look for it. Like I said, with my first, I didn't know I'd need a consultant until I needed one. And then it took us ages just to figure out who to contact. My ob/gyn? Our pediatrician? My own family doctor? (the latter, by the way, despite my desperate pleas to help me figure out how to succeed in nursing, insisted I was trying to do too much and that I just jump to formula already -- she is no longer my family doctor). Luckily, by the time I got to baby #2, we were more prepared and knew where to get help, which thank goodness was everywhere though, sadly, not where it would have been easy to access, like with pediatricians or in hospitals.

Many of my friends, both back in the U.S. and here in Italy, haven't been fortunate in their experiences. They are susceptible to the workings of the formula industry who, according to the WSJ article, spends over $45 billion a year in advertising. These same industries give women "going home gift bags" complete with free formula as they leave the hospital, on their way home to face the big, bad world alone with their new, scary baby.

They...we... are vulnerable. Alone. Scared to dehydrate our babes, paranoid our colostrum isn't enough. Terrified. Exhausted.

The debate over whether or not breast really is best will go on forever, and studies upon studies will demonstrate both or neither, most likely until the end of time. But the fact remains: there is not enough support for new moms making tough choices in those early days and hours -- with breastfeeding on top of that list. We need more in-hospital LCs, we need more free support (FYI check out this link for free La Leche League support groups in your area, or this website to get bf'ing help), we need to normalize breastfeeding (this website  is a good jumping-off point on the subject if you're looking for ways to participate).

And, above all - and I hope it doesn't sound trite - we need to quit it with the Mommy Wars and support one another: formula or breast, SAHM or office mom, disposable or cloth, farm-fed or processed, helicopter or wine drinker. Because if we don't advocate for ourselves and each other, who will?